One of the best ideas...

Last weekend I fulfilled one of my goals for the year by going to the Power of Mom's retreat in Park City.  It was such a wonderful way to help me refuel and become more motivated as a mom.  I really cannot say enough good about the experience.  The one "not so positive" thing I might say is that so much of what I came home with was kind of common sense stuff... all of which I'd never put all together into conscious thought.  So that made me feel a little foolish.  But only like 1%...

So one of the best things I came home with was a new way of looking at to do lists.  I NEED to use them more because it just helps keep my mind organized and focused on what needs to be done.  I'm not big on writing down every tiny thing I accomplish each day (I know, I'm weird...), but I do write the non-daily tasks that need attention.

Now let me break it down... this new system I'm embracing.  This idea was introduced by Richard Eyre, a funny, brilliant author of so many parenting books.  We were at his beautiful home for the retreat.

You start out by choosing three "choose to do" items before ever writing the "have to do's".  Each of those "choose to do's" fall into one of these categories; personal, family, work.  Sometimes it could be something unnecessary like painting my nails and sometimes it could be a job that really needs to get done but I'm choosing to put it before other things on my priority list.  

After that, the "to-do's" get listed on the left side of the page and you make another column on the right for "serendipity moments."  Richard had a lot to say about the serendipity moments that probably puts it in an even better perspective, but you'll see how it pays off by the end of the day and the end of the week.  Simply put, the serendipity moments are the things that occur throughout the day that you weren't planning for but they enriched a moment of your day.  Sometimes they will be interrupters of your "schedule" that end up putting a positive twist on your day.  Other times it might just be a little moment of joy that you discover amidst all of the things you had to do.

Really, the whole point of this, to me, is to let my to do list be a part of my life with my kids rather than my kids being a part of my to do list.  I set a goal to do this for a week with the intention to look back on my week and see all the tasks (at least 21 of them) that I chose to accomplish and also to see the countless amounts of joyful serendipity moments that occurred during the week.  Seeing those things add up really ought to improve my outlook at life, right?

So here's a glimpse at day one.

As you can see, it was a simple day as far as to do lists go.  I had worked the night before and knew I wasn't going to have the energy to save the world or anything like that, but I had a few things that really needed to happen so I wrote them down.  And as I mentioned before, plenty of household tasks did get done I just didn't write them all down.  Being totally honest, I only did two of the three "choose to" items, but that's ok with me.  I took a nap instead of doing item number one.  And that was the "personal" item so I felt like swapping it for a nap was beneficial to the entire household.

My favorite part at the end of the day was the chance to reflect on the lovely parts of my day.  First off, I resolved to stay unstressed while we got ready for school and we got up late (totally my fault) so I just jumped in and put Marshall's shoes on him while he ate breakfast.  It was a tiny gesture towards my kiddo that I cared about him enough to help him.  Strangely, he begs me to put his shoes on for him multiple times a week.  I think he gets overwhelmed sometimes by being older and more responsible and it's one of the only ways I can do something FOR him.  It caused me to reflect though, that I really could do better at serving him and helping him feel loved.  It's hard to be responsible and he's trying to balance that right now, so I'm going to do better at being there for him in moments I can serve.  The next two things were little things that enriched my day and I was grateful I could look up from planting tomatoes to visit with the neighbor and that I could break from my regular schedule to enjoy the company of friends at the park.  The fourth thing on my list was a special little moment I am sure to forget if I hadn't written it down.  And who knows... I may still forget it someday, but at least now it's been documented.  I was finishing with my planting and weed pulling when Macy joined me in the garden, picked up a trowel, and sat down and started "digging."  She would just scoop up a little dirt and let it drop, over and over again.  The best part though, was she was just singing to herself in her cute, little, wordless voice.  It was something I hope my heart remembers forever.  She was just having the greatest time and I got to see it.  So special!  Lastly, Marshall was resisting doing his chores so instead of losing my cool I invited him to walk and check the mail with me.  I figured maybe we could chat while we walked and he might catch on to the idea... sure enough, it worked!  He felt more relaxed and contributed to the conversation and we got home ready to get all of the chores done in record time.  When he was headed to bed he told me, "Mom... I really liked walking with you today.  And I never got disappointed ALL DAY!"  After asking a question or two, it was apparent that a little calm conversation while on a walk dispersed his frustration with chores and he never lost his cool.  He noticed that he went the whole day without losing it and we all went to bed much happier than other days can sometimes end.  After looking at what I've written, I realize that I even have another thing to mention on the serendipity list.  The time I spent in the garden would typically have been when I would have been at the gym.  And I LOVE my time at the gym, so it really never makes the to do list because it's just the way I live.  But while in the garden I got two great additions to my day.  How nice to sit back and be thankful for the day I had.  And it was a Monday even!

I'm loving this approach to the things I need to accomplish and I hope I can make it a habit and a more permanent way of thinking.

New Year's Resolutions

I never make New Year's resolutions.  I just never think ahead enough and hate having one more thing on my to do list this time of year.  But I've been thinking about my habits and goals a lot lately and came up with a pretty good list.  Now it's becoming public knowledge so that maybe, just maybe, I'll stick to a handful of them.

1.  Stop calling names.  I have the worst habit of calling really lame, 5 year old type names.  Dummy.  Goober-head.  Poop-face.  That one's really embarrassing.  This needs to stop.  It became really eye opening when after being up for 1 hour and 15 minutes I had called two names and made it three by noon.

2.  Save some dang money.  It just needs to happen.  Last year I thought about doing this weekly challenge but never did.  But I might just do it this time.

P.S.  I do not love to gossip, but that blog had the best chart made... not even considering the cute graphics.

3.  Get rid of the things in the garage and kitchen that I do not use.

4.  Complete my Personal Progress.  Again.  :)

5.  Blog more.  AT LEAST once a week on this blog documenting family life and twice a month on my photography blog.  I have really slacked off in my blogging this last year.  Some say it has something to do with having more kids and a busier life... maybe they're right.  Haha.

6.  Attend a Power of Moms retreat.  I believe I have a few friends (Tara... Jessica...) that will join me on this one!

7.  Write a to do list DAILY.

8.  Be more accountable for my online spending habits.  I was trying to think of the best way to do this... like only one purchase per month for a "want" item.  I don't intend to limit "need" items because sometimes online shopping is just the best way to get it done.  But once a month seemed a little tricky... we need to start with baby steps.  So I think what I'm going to do is ask Colby his opinion of my "want" items and if he's fine with it I'll go ahead with it.  If not, I'll be getting a handle on it.  Maybe my plan will change.  I really think it's gonna be a lot harder than I think.

9.  Implement a better record keeping/bill tracking/life mastering method.  I picked up an unnamed (I don't want to bash their designs & system) kit  that I already don't love... I guess I'm picky... so I'm going to look around a tiny bit more before I just suck it up and use the one I have.

10.  Make a blog book.  I might only get the first year or two done... but I want to make some progress on this project!  I've wanted to for years now...

Epiphany

The other day I was lying in a yoga class enjoying a small moment of peace.  The instructor was giving us some words of encouragement because we had done some challenging things in class that day.  As she was talking she mentioned that "repetition builds stability" and it really spoke to me.  I had my eyes closed as I tried to really process the concept and tears started sneaking down my cheeks!!!  It was just what I had been needing to hear all week long.

The past week I had begun to feel the pressures of the world resting heavily on my shoulders.  This was the first time I had really felt like I could relate to this idea that many other women feel overwhelmed by.  You know... "I have to be pretty.  I have to be thin.  I have to be organized.  I have to be patient.  I have to be smart.  Blah, blah, blah."  It hit me when I was in the middle of a busy morning... the dishes weren't completely done, neither was the laundry, or any other household chore.  Everything was either started or at a tolerable point in the process for me to stop and go on with the next thing I needed to do.  (These kinds of tasks are always interrupted by the needs of one or all of my children and sometimes by other important things too.  I've had a lot of photography work the last few weeks so I was now juggling that as well.)  On this chaotic morning we were running behind in our morning routine because Macy was awake during the whole thing which is rare and just slowed us down a little bit.    I didn't get Marshall's lunch made but promised I would bring it when I came to help in his class.  As the kids are piling into the van I find that the battery was dead for one reason or another so I holler for everyone to jump out so we can climb into the truck.  Those added minutes were not what I was hoping for at this point in our routine, but what do you do?  As I grab the truck keys off the shelf I realize there's a good chance I'm going to have to check Marshall into school late and I was running around in my nightgown (granny style!).  I kind of take a couple steps toward the truck then a couple steps to the house, back and forth, debating whether I should run in and change my clothes or just get in the truck and hope we make it just in the nick of time.  I decided that Marshall would surely be late if I changed so we would chance it.  The truck is pretty tall so I find myself having to lift the boys in as plenty of cars are driving past my house catching me in such a glamorous moment still looking like a crazy old nightgown lady.  Oh well.  Thankfully, we made it to school in time for Marshall to jump out and get into school before he was "late."  Phew!  But this was all just a little more chaotic than a normal morning.  On top of all this, I'm pretty sure Tyler was in a mood, but I can't remember specifics anymore.  All I remember is it wasn't even 9 in the morning and I wanted to crawl back in bed and just wake up the next day ready to be kind and patient and in control of life a little better.

My awareness of being overwhelmed really hit me about an hour later when I was at least ten minutes late to help in Marshall's class (exactly after realizing I had forgotten Marshall's lunch on the kitchen table).  As I drove I thought to myself, "I can help in my kids' school.  I can make sure my kids feel loved.  I can blog and catch up on my blog, so our life can be journaled.  I can show my YW they are important to me by being there and fulfilling my calling.  I can spend time with my husband.  I can cook meals from scratch.  I can have the kitchen, and family room, and bathrooms cleaned.  I can visit and help my neighbors that are in need.  I can wash and fold the laundry in an reasonable time frame.  I can be healthy.  I can exercise.  I can get back to my pre-baby weight.  I can improve my skills in the garden.  I can earn a little extra money by building my photography business.  I can help my clients feel beautiful and important.  I can impress them by completing their sessions much faster than I promised.  I can read and become more enlightened.  I can listen to the talks from General Conference another time to glean more from the words of God's servants.  I could do 1,000 other things that I do regularly on a daily basis.  But I cannot do it all right now.  I'm drowning in my "have to do's" and losing my mind from lack of "like to do's" and I need to slow down and prioritize."  It was helpful to acknowledge I don't have to do it all, but almost paralyzing to realize the daily routine of things I need to accomplish just to exist in peace in my home... the things the I do over and over and over again... were inching their way closer and closer to suffocating me emotionally.

And this is why I was crying in yoga.

It became so vibrantly clear that by washing those dishes every day, by keeping up with the laundry, and making beds, and scrubbing toilets, and giving haircuts, and all those other chores I do again and again, I was creating a feeling of stability for my children, my husband, and myself.  I was creating a sanctuary from the world within our home and I would be able to feel the peace inside myself that I felt was being swallowed up by these very tasks.  I resolved right then to find joy in these chores and allow the repetition to build stability.  Peace.  Joy.

I made this resolution on Friday and pretty much abandoned all of my duties in order to celebrate Marshall's birthday, shoot a wedding, and fulfill my church calling, but I figure the repetition of picking up the pieces and starting over is going to be good for me too.  So here's to doing a little better.

Ever Feel Like This?

Dear God,

Thank you for this beautiful life.

Forgive me if I don't love it enough.

By Way of Resolutions...

I'm not a big fan of making New Year's resolutions for myself.  Maybe its because I'm a procrastinator, but the new year always comes and I've yet to even think about goals for the coming year.  I'm still trying to wrap everything up from the previous one.  This year, as in the night of the 1st, I was trying to decide if I had a desire to set myself some resolutions and I think I came up with a much better idea.  This year I'll set resolutions for everyone else which will in turn help me immensely.

For Colby:

   At least one day a week he will do everything I say and even what I don't say.  He will even do so with a smile.  The results will probably even surprise me.

For Marshall:

   Always remember Mom is right.  That way there will be no need for frustration or outbursts... on both our parts.  Let's also add learn to write his name.

For Tyler:

   Practice sharing and decide to be happy with what he has instead of what everyone else has.  Perhaps we all should join him on this one.  Oh yeah, learn a few more words so we can all understand you.

For sugar:

   Stay away for a while.  If you would just leave, I could live without you.

For my sister Megan:

   To spend a minimum of 10 hours a week with me.  The benefits seem obvious...

For my Young Women:

   They will promise to not date until they are 16.  They will promise that even when they do date, they will not date steadily until they are ready to be married.  They will also listen to all of the advice they hear from their leaders and resist the urge to ignore the words of us "old" ladies.

For my dishes:

    Wash themselves.  That would solve a lot of my problems.

For my clients:

   They will always be happy and positive and they'll have just as much fun as I am.  (I've really only dealt with one or two people that weren't this way...)

For our friends that live far away:

    To move a little closer since our work schedules don't always allow us to travel where we would like to.  If that won't work, just call from time to time...  I promise to do the same.

For my checkbook:

    Continually increase in value and decrease in how quickly it empties itself.  It could even create its own money to fill in the voids.

For my waistline:

   Give up all the fat it's hanging on to and learn to live without it.  You know, if it would just be flatter I would no longer need to worry about how similar the measurements of my bust and waist are.  (Sorry if that made any of you uncomfortable.  You're welcome if it made you feel like you're not the only one.)

For the sisters I visit teach:

   How about you all move into the same house (two of them already do...) and we'll just stop by at a time you're all home.  Dinner time sounds convenient...

Speaking of dinner:

   Let's make a deal.  You (dinner) be less of an afterthought and I'll make sure to fill you with all kinds of nutrition and deliciousness.  ALSO... as often as I love to eat out, how about each of my favorite restaurants donate gift cards to my family even if its just one place per week.  I think we'd all quite enjoy that.

For that unfinished baby blanket that is still in the closet:

  I got you mostly put together before Tyler ever turned a month old.  You're sitting really close to the sewing machine.  How about you two make friends and take care of the rest.

It seems like the other night I could think of all kinds of other people that would benefit from making it to this list, but I can't remember them right now.  Sometimes I really hate it that my best ideas come to me in the middle of the night or while I'm in the shower.  In this case it was both of those combined...  

Anywho.  I'd love to hear what you guys would add to my list.